Gay Wankers

I’d like to thank my gay friends. They finally won the right to be treated as equals. Oh sure, it’s not uniform or perfect, but it’s heading in the right direction. And I don’t know why it is, but most of my gay friends—and, good God, but there are a lot of you—are also dope smokers. I think it has something to do with Stonewall. In any event, now that the flood gates are open on gaydom, dope is funneling down the chute as well; and for that I thank you.

Eric Holder’s announcement that the Feds are going to take a more lenient approach to enforcing anti-drug laws is a baby step in the direction of a stampede. He’s in danger of being run over; fortunately, he’s not ahead of the crowd. He made his announcement less than two weeks after Uruguay legalized pot and Vicente Fox reiterated his call for Mexico to legalize all drugs. I heard exactly that argument put forth on a recent NPR show.

Because it’s not just marijuana, folks, it’s any drug you can think of. Making drugs illegal is stupid. Just plain stupid. It achieves nothing, destroys people and communities, and is frightfully expensive. People on methamphetamine are fucked-up enough already without having to steal to get their fix. I’ve no doubt that most people on meth need help, but jail is anything but help. If we’re going to spend that kind of money, we should demand bang for our buck.

But the tide has turned, and it’s all thanks to those gay wankers smoking out back. It’s about time they came out; who says they can have all the fun?